The Roommate Debate
Co-ed or same sex? Picking the perfect roommates is no easy task.
Jessie WhitfieldIssue date: 11/15/07 Section: Main Stories
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The past 12 months of my life can easily be compared to the MTV show “The Real World,” except on steroids.
Living with the opposite sex can be exciting – the promise of a deliciously good time as the alcohol flows at party after party; the promise of late night hookups with roommates. You’re not living under your parents’ roof anymore or under your RA’s watchful eye.
You’re living the college-aged American’s dream: freedom to do whatever – with whomever you want, whenever you please.
The opportunities are endless.
Home treat home
I came to call the equivalent of a frat house (five guys and me) my home as the result of a rebellious attempt to declare my independence from a dictatorship formerly known as my parents’ “while you live under my roof” law.
For many, though, the decision to live with the opposite sex is made out of convenience and the expectation of a drama-free environment.
A co-ed living situation can come from being friends first, attractive online roommate ads or simple desperation to find a roommate. The main reason, though, is that some people get along better with the opposite sex.
“I decided to move in with a girl because my guy friends told me they liked living with girls better than guys,” said Jeff Jones, an Arizona State University student. “Basically, they told me there were less fights and it just worked out well in general. I’ve lived with two girls so far and they’ve been awesome roommates and friends.”
Not so fast
But co-ed cohabitation in college is hardly universally accepted.
At colleges across the country, especially many religious schools, students are banned from living with a member of the opposite sex both on-campus and off-campus.
Whereas some students view the availability of sex as a benefit, other students, in addition to school policy makers and clergy, see it differently.
“The obvious reason that coed living arrangements are inappropriate is the danger of sexual sin,” writes Philip G. Ryken of the Tenth Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia. “If sexual freedom outside of marriage was good for male-female relationships, then one would expect romance to flourish on today’s campuses. Quite the opposite is the case. Dating is down, while sexually transmitted diseases, internet pornography and eating disorders are all up.”
At Trinity International University in Deerfield, Illinois, students are banned from living in co-ed situations both on and off campus, unless they’re married.
And an attempt by Mississippi State University officials to create co-ed housing there was squashed by state officials, who said coed cohabitation was illegal under state laws.
In 2000, Tufts University also nixed the idea of co-ed dorm rooms after gay students put in a request, arguing that forced same-sex housing could cause problems for them. The university denied the request. The school has co-ed dorms, though.
John DiBiaggio, the university’s president at the time, said in a 2000 article in the National Review that “while we realize many of our students are sexually active, we don’t see it as our role to encourage it. I’m not saying we are prudish. We are not acting in loco parentis. But we are dealing with life-threatening venereal diseases here.”
In Arizona, though, co-ed housing has existed on and off campus for decades.
Party time
Sex, alcohol and rock n’ roll were staples in my co-ed college cohabitation lifestyle.
The fridge was guaranteed to be stocked with beer and the freezer with liquor, even if it wasn’t the weekend or the Suns game wasn’t on.
On nights when homework wasn’t due and getting up early for work wasn’t an issue, beer pong was a must.
There were always at least two girls spending the night at the house besides me and if you couldn’t hear the boys strumming their guitars or beating away at the drums, you would most certainly hear beds squeaking. It was a life I enjoyed, even if my sleep was sacrificed.
Emma Pew of Tempe has lived with her fair share of guys and says for the most part, “living with guys is easier than girls because you don’t have to worry about someone borrowing your clothes or makeup.
“I currently live with an awesome guy. We get along great, share similar interests and petty shit is not an issue. We’re both laid back so it works well.”
Sex crazed?
But my experience may not be so typical.
Anecdotal studies suggest sex is not that common among opposite sex roommates. Administrators at many of the 20 or so schools nationwide that allow on-campus, opposite sex roommates say their research shows exactly that.
Indeed, today’s students’ views of the opposite sex are wildly different than those of their parents.
A 2002 American Demographics and Synovate study found college-aged people are four times more likely to categorize their best friend as someone of the opposite sex. About 10 percent of 25 to 34 year olds say the same thing.
That doesn’t mean co-ed living is beneficial, though.
“I’ve never seen one study, not one, that indicates that there are educational benefits of living with the opposite sex when you’re between the ages of 18 and 22,” Jeffrey Docking, the vice president for student affairs at Washington and Jefferson College, told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette last year.
And despite many administrators claims that co-ed living doesn’t lead to co-ed sleeping together, most students who have lived it tell a different story. Let’s face it, they say, sharing a roof with the opposite sex, for some, can mean swapping spit and sharing a bed.
I’ll admit I know this first hand. If there isn’t sexual attraction at first, there most likely will be at some point.
It’s tempting to know sex is only one room away, but something sweet can turn sour.
Waking up to find your once-upon-a-time hook up hooking up with someone else can definitely put a damper on something that was once hot and heavy.
“I once lived with a guy I did track with. It was cool, we hooked up a lot, but we kept it completely low key because we were both in relationships,” said Nichole Ball, a Mesa Community College student. “There was no drama and the sex was great, but it was awkward when his girlfriend or my boyfriend would come over.”
Petty disputes
Certainly, there are cons to co-ed cohabitation.
“I’ve lived with four different girls since moving out of my parents’ house and, compared to guys, girls are the messiest people to live with,” said Bryon Phillips of Tempe.
“There can be major cons when it comes to living with girls. They leave their stuff all over the bathroom counters – makeup, hair spray, curling irons and blow dryers. Hairbrushes are horrible because they look like they could be alive with all the hair tangled in them.
“The worst by far is the tampon dispensers that get left lying on top of full trashcans in the bathroom,” he said. “Then there’s the kitchen; that’s a whole other story. Another thing I’ve noticed is that girls will never take out the trash. I can’t figure it out – it’s like it cramps their style or they don’t want to break a nail or they think they are too beautiful to carry a trash bag.”
The only way I was able to endure the constant collection of empty beer cans laying around the house followed by the gag-inducing stench the morning after, the deafening sound of drums and guitars and the oxygen-depriving clouds of farts was by laughing. Despite two of my senses being violated on a daily basis, I was able to find humor in every situation.
Live and learn
Despite the disagreements, laughter seems to be the best away to make amends because the best part about living with the opposite sex is the amount of unusual and memorable stories you have to tell when all is said and done.
“One of my craziest memories while living with nine guys and girls was when a girl I was dating and I walked in on my roommate having sex with a girl in my room,” said David Bevan of Chandler.
“After we kicked them out, we got walked in on about a half hour later, only to find out the couple that just walked in on us had been kicked out of a bedroom upstairs by the couple we originally walked in on.”
“Although I was furious at the time, I’ll admit it was a hilarious story to tell later.”
I personally enjoyed living with five guys – one played too much “World of Warcraft” and left week-old milk sitting out, one who did who-knows-what behind close doors and openly discussed in detail his love affair with porn, one who could be heard having sex from several rooms away, one who never stopped playing the drums or guitar and occasionally ran around in a man thong and one was overly obsessed with the Suns and used that as an excuse to not take showers.
But they became the five people I trusted, respected and loved the most in my life.
They ended up being the brothers I never had. How many people can say that about their roommates?
Editors note: The original web version of this story stated that students at Trinity College in Hartford, Connecticut were banned from co-ed living both on and off campus. That was incorrect. The story should have read that Trinity International College in Deerfield, Illinois has that policy. This version has been corrected. We regret the error.
Editors note: The original web version of this story stated that students at Trinity College in Hartford, Connecticut were banned from co-ed living both on and off campus. That was incorrect. The story should have read that Trinity International College in Deerfield, Illinois has that policy. This version has been corrected. We regret the error.
Viewing Comments 1 - 3 of 3
Charlotte
posted 11/15/07 @ 1:15 PM MST
It hasn't changed in decades with the number of gay students in college dorms. It's just that now students aren't hiding it anymore.:) Check out our trailer on Gay Marriage. (Continued…)
alexhaffey
IT Thesis
posted 7/06/09 @ 7:45 AM MST
"One of my craziest memories while living with nine guys and girls was when a girl I was dating and I walked in on my roommate having sex with a girl in my room," nice words!
Good Thought
posted 7/06/09 @ 6:10 PM MST
The subject or area that you're within the spectrum of is pretty interesting and somewhat amusing, but it's greatly overshadowed by the endless references of sex almost as if it was bragging. (Continued…)
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