College Times

Media Credit: Ryan Ruiz

First the airlines cracked down on casual sex in the clouds, now the Transportation Security Administration is cracking down on wearing nipple piercings on planes. It wouldn’t surprise me if before takeoff flight attendants are adding, “No Jessie Whitfields,” to their list of no smoking and no getting up unless the seatbelt sign is off, because earning my wings to the Mile High Club while rubbing on my pierced boobs is kinda, sorta what I’m all about.

On February 24th, 37-year-old Mary Hamlin of Texas got a little taste of what it feels like to walk in my high-heels.

Hamlin attempted to board a flight from Lubbock, Texas to Dallas, but was denied boarding until she removed her nipple piercings.

She passed through a large metal detector without problems, but after when she was scanned by a female TSA agent with a handheld detector, she was detained because when the detector passed over her chest, it beeped.

Red alert! Red alert! We’ve got a (sexual) terrorist on our hands! She’s got weapons of mass seduction! Watch out!  

Forget a pat down or a quick flash to the female agent to prove she was traveling with pierced bazookas – not real bazookas – the agent called over her male colleagues, one of whom said she would have to remove the jewelry, according to Hamlin.

Hamlin was then denied entry onto the plane until she removed the treacherous trinkets from her ta-tas. So she went behind a curtain and managed to take out one bar-shaped piercing, but the second piercing, a ring, wouldn’t budge.

She was then given pliers…yes, PLIERS…to remove the ring. What kind of cruel and unusual punishment is that?

As if not being allowed to make sweet aeroplane love isn’t bad enough, now you have to rip us, with pliers no less, of our right to rock rings on our racks?

Viva la War on (sexual) Terror! High five George W. Bush!

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