College Times

Issue date: 5/8/08 Section: Calendar

Media Credit: Courtesy Warner Bros Records

So I was sitting on my couch the other day, eating a bag of Funyuns, drinking a Mountain Dew and talking to my cat about the miserable waste that my life has become. My cat, of course, didn't say anything because she's a cat and cats don't talk. She did, however, bat one of the Funyuns out of my hand and run off with it, leaving me to contemplate my worthless existence all by myself.

After browsing through my collection of two porn movies (one DVD and one VHS tape) and briefly considering shaving my five-day growth of beard, a startling revelation came to me in a flash: I need to get a life.

But how exactly does one go about getting a life? It's not like you can just roll into Wal-Mart at

3 a.m. and ask the guy stocking toilet paper which aisle lives are in.

Fortunately, Rockstar Energy Drink has provided an easy solution to my woes. All I have to do is go to this concert that they're sponsoring (and maybe start drinking their energy drinks), and I should be good to go.

The headliners are these guys from Utah called The Used. I didn't realize they allowed rock music in Utah. Anyway, The Used are playing with Straylight Run, Army of Me and Street Drum Corps, who collectively should help me finally get that oh so elusive life.

I just hope I can convince the rest of my guild to let me go to the show. We have a big dungeon raid planned for Friday night and I might need to find a replacement healer.

The Used w/Straylight Run, Army Of Me, Street Drum Corps, Marquee Theatre, 730 N. Mill Avenue, Tempe, 480.829.0607, May 9, 4 p.m., $25 adv, $26 dos

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