College Times

Media Credit: Christopher Mascarelli

The following is the most-discernable section of a 72-page, doobie-fueled rant about “Reefer Madness,” a musical based on the 1936 anti-marijuana propaganda film of the same name. Don’t believe that “toking grass” is dangerous? Read the horrifying excerpt for yourself!

… Cheetos are amazing. They’re, like, the greatest food ever invented. I don’t know which are better, though; Flamin’ Hot or Original? I just don’t know. I wish I did.

You know what else is amazing? Chester Cheeto. That dude is hilarious! He’s like, this cat, right? Who digs Cheetos. You know who else digs Cheetos? I do! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

You know what else is amazing? “Reefer Madness.” That play’s amazing! It’s all about how smoking weed is evil, and will turn you into this raving lunatic. Dude, I only went to a rave once, and that shit was bogus. I was just like, “Whoa. You guys need to chill.” But they didn’t.

But seriously, that play said that anyone who gets high turns into some sort of evil devil. That would be craaaaazy! It’d be so weird to sprout a tail, and some horns and shoot flames from my fingers!

Kinda like when I eat Flamin’ Hot Cheetos! Whoaaaa!

Reefer Madness, Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell, Phoenix, 602.254.2151, Saturday, June 7, 8 p.m., $28.50, students $21.50

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