College Times

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Joel Magruder doesn’t do relationships, but he says his out-of-state girlfriend thinks differently.

This summer when the University of San Diego student returns home to his parents’ house in Tempe, he’s making sure every girl he meets knows exactly where he stands on the idea of relationships this time of year.

Summer means no-string flings.

“I’m in something that I wouldn’t characterize as a relationship necessarily, but it’s something. I plan on ignoring the situation for as long as possible and leaving San Diego without saying goodbye to her,” he says.

“Summer has always represented freedom to kids like us simply because we’ve been in school for 15 years or so. Summer is optimism, and optimism, to our hyper-sexualized generation, is (having sex with) as many people as possible in the shortest period of time. Being single over summer is quintessential to my quality of life.”

Nearly every summer, situations like Magruder’s play out. Students either openly, or secretly, head home, or head out-of-town, and get involved in a summer fling or two … or more.

Long-Distance (Booty) Call

Perhaps that’s not a surprise given that some studies suggest as many as 90 percent of long-distance relationships fail.

For some hormone-riddled young adults, two or three months without sex can seem an eternity. Why, some students argue, make things more difficult by being in a relationship?

As Arizona State University student Nick Esquer puts it, “The majority of students won’t stay loyal to their partner who’s across the country, no matter how many times they boinked in (the dorms). It’s just a common fact.”

The other problem is that long-distance relationships require something else many college students and young adults are not necessarily masters of having: trust.

If many students can’t trust themselves to stay loyal, how can they trust their partner?

Without trust, most relationships fail quickly anyway.

Magruder also thinks that seasonal realities – summer is a hypersexualized time with pool parties, bikinis, sweaty bodies and weekend trips to the beach – play a big role in the summer fling phenomenon.

He adds: “It may be because all the major romantic holidays have come and gone, or because women tend to behave according to the weather.”

Together forever?

For local students with local boy- or girlfriends, the same rules don’t apply.

First off, a break-up isn’t that easy. Nor is a little behind-the-back action.

The possibility of running into each other at a bar or party is high, which – especially if liquor is involved – promises an awkward and perhaps even painful experience.

Still, many decide to call it quits for the same reasons.

For them, being single over the summer just seems to make sense. And it provides for the chance to meet new people, make new memories and add a little excitement to their lives.

Fun and fancy-free flings are what it’s all about for Mesa Community College student Brittany Smith.

“I definitely plan to be single for the summer. It’s so much more fun to start the summer completely single with a fresh slate. I’m a very social person and I love meeting new people, especially boys,” she says. “It’s fun having a few flings over summer. They make great pictures and memories.”

Another reason students said they opt to be without a significant other during the summer, which Smith brings up, is that they will be vacationing, which means the encounters they do have with the opposite sex will be short and (hopefully) sweet.

Says Smith: “I’m sure any flings, one night stands, I have this summer will be because I’m out of town. I have a few trips planned to Mexico, which is a great place to have those, and one to New York.”

Seasonal danger

When relationship and personal-safety experts hear of some students’ plans for a casual-sex filled summer, they cringe.

The rattle off a list of potential dangers: rape – especially when alcohol is involved – abuse, emotional heartache, pregnancy and, most frequently, STDs. With as many as 1 in 4 young people now carrying some form of a sexually transmitted disease, casual, unprotected sex is almost like playing Russian roulette.

Many studies and surveys also indicate that women are highly prone to depression after casual flings and one-night stands. Oxytocin, a naturally occurring hormone in women, has been shown to genetically program women to seek feelings of connection. One night stands, some researchers believe, force them to ignore that natural reaction.

And that can lead to a confused mind.

Men can also experience similar reactions.

When less becomes more

But for those who see only quick, painless hookups in their future, there are additional downsides.

Among the most common: that both people become attached, or that one becomes more attached than the other.

“My personal history of past summer flings has been exquisite, though I’m not sure the parties involved feel the same way,” Magruder said. “One specific girl I’ve been involved with the past few summers has always, at the end of the glorious three months, wanted more from me than I was willing to part with.

“Most of my emotion has been exhausted by relationships over the past few years, so I’m always keen to get in and out. I’ve been chastised in the past for this, but what do I care?”

Michael Corbo, a Mesa Community College student, adds, “I’ve been single for more than a year and I’ve found that summer flings usually don’t work out. You hook up with one guy/girl in Rocky Point and you never see them again.”

Sometimes, it all works out …

Other times, the casual flings end up evolving into something more serious.

That’s what happened for Arizona State University graduate Ashley McClymont. Her short-term fling in Rocky Point evolved into a relationship.

 “I met (my boyfriend) while I was in Mexico three summers ago. We made-out the first night, slept together the second night and continued to do so for the rest of the five days while were there.

“He lived in Colorado at the time and when he went back, he flew me out every other weekend to visit him and we became boyfriend and girlfriend.

“During the school year we dated long-distance, then the following summer he moved out to Arizona to live with me.”

Experts say relationships where people meet on vacation and stay together are pretty rare.

That’s why many people just stay out of the summer fling game altogether. Why risk a good relationship for a few nights of fleeting pleasure?

Others just think the summer fling is a waste of time.

Western New Mexico University graduate and current Tempe resident, Courtney Heiser, doesn’t do flings over summer and plans on staying single, but she is open to experiencing a summer romance like McClymont’s as long as it’s with the right guy.

Says Heiser, “I’m really over flings, but I would be open to a summer romance with someone amazing.”

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