College Times

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A few years ago, the National Spelling Bee – a sacred institution that crowns the best grade school aged spellers in the country – became something of a TV ratings sensation. But the ratings have slipped a little bit. To spice things up and bring viewers back, I’d like to suggest these words, and the way the judges should use them in a sentence.

Coquettish

As in: “Some people say being coquettish is a good quality. Those people are called porn stars.”

Floccinaucinihilipilification

As in: “The word floccinaucinihilipilification is a prime example of floccinaucinihilipilification, but it makes an awesome fuckin’ spelling bee word.”

Depilate

As in: “Why do all the guys in Scottsdale clubs depilate themselves?”

Titillating

As in: “There is nothing titillating about Lunch Lady Nancy.”

Meatpackings

As in: “I know you really want to get together some time and check out my meatpackings, but I think we should just remain friends.”

Mnemonic

As in: “’Johnny Mnemonic’ was a shitty movie.”

Pulchritudinous

As in: “I’m all over that shit tonight. That girl’s screaming pulchritudinous.”

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

As in: “Listen you little dirt bag, if you’ve got hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, you probably shouldn’t be in this spelling bee.”

Cockpit

As in: “The pilots push and pull the yoke to make it go up and down in the cockpit.”

Pusillanimous

As in: “If you win this thing, I want you to leave here, head back to your school cafeteria, find the most pusillanimous runt in there, take his lunch money and scream, ‘I’m the spelling bee champ now, bitch. I rule this roost!’”

Here's a funny little vid involving Spelling Bee Bloopers

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