College Times

Media Credit: Matt Wysocki

If a rock star gives you financial advice, ignore it. Same goes for life-coaching, math lessons and in many cases, tips on personal hygiene.

But if there’s one area in which musicians are true experts, its concerts. And no concert season has more potential for both unforgettable fun and regrettable disaster than that of summer.

Says Nat Motte of electronica/hip-hop band 3OH!3, “The summer concerts are paths lest traveled by men of this age. They are spun in mystery and shrouded in secrecy. Only do this if you know what awaits, or if you are willing to pay the consequences of discovery.”

Okay, maybe ignore that guy. But take heed and listen to the other musicians on one of summer’s biggest, baddest and (quite literally) hottest outdoor concerts of the summer, Vans Warped tour.

Vans Warped Tour, Cricket Wireless Pavillion, Wednesday, June 25, noon, $32 adv, $35 dos

What’s the best way to get free stuff?

Shwayze: Steal it.

Nat Motte from 3OH!3: The little girl with the spiked hair in front of you... she means nothing to you. Dispose of her. Six feet now. The big hardcore dude with tats in front; remind him of the time he thought the ghosts were never going to leave. Good, he’s running away crying. Five feet now. The big-breasted college girl dancing; start dancing with her. A little grind, a deft little turn, and boom: she’s behind. Here we are, stage front. Reach out a hand.

Matt Wilson of Set Your Goals: I’d recommend offering something in return, i.e. snacks, a place to stay/shower, etc. Nothing’s really free!

Alida Marroni of 1997: Free stuff is one of my favorite parts of concerts. The best way to snag the most free stuff is to stick around until afterwards, when all the kids have cleared out. Then, the ground is usually covered in stuff everyone dropped. Warped is like free concert stuff heaven in this respect!

What’s the worst thing someone’s ever said to you at a concert?

Josh James of Evergreen Terrace: “Hey man, quit looking at my dick.”

Alida Marroni of 1997: Oh man, one time this kid was taking a picture with me and he asked me if I ever hook up with “fans.” ”Then he pulled a little condom out of his pocket and tried to kiss me! Security had the little hornball leave the venue. That was disgusting.

Danny Stevens of The Audition: “Fuck you; you suck.” Which was followed by me calling the dude out and making him feel like a complete idiot in front of 2,000 people

From First to Last: “Good set today,” and we haven’t even played yet.

Aaron Barrett of Reel Big Fish: “Why didn’t you play ‘never had to knock on wood’?”

What’s the best way to meet bands?

Cisco Adler of Shwayze: Be a hot chick with cleavage, or bring a microphone and say you gotta get it to the stage.

Nat Motte of 3OH!3: Grab a football helmet. Some shoulder pads would be helpful here too. A little savoir faire would come in handy here (watch some football tapes circa Dick Butkus). Visualize the two massive security men guarding the backstage area. Visualize them crumbling. Visualize a tree falling in the Amazon. Or, fuck it, a great redwood. Take a running start. Padded up like this, nothing less than 45 yards will do. Run. Run. RUN!

What’s the best way to stay cool?

Nat Motte from 3OH!3: One part ice. One part nipple. One part drip ... baby, it’s simple.

Sean Foreman of 3OH!3: The best thing you can do is eat spicy food so your endorphins kick in, you sweat and it cools you off.

Matt Wilson of Set Your Goals: Lots of water and skimpy clothing!

From First to Last: Dipping your head in a cooler of ice cold drinks, preferably Becks.

What’s the worst thing to do?

Charlotte Sometimes: It’s hot and smelly and there are so many gross boys farting through the heat. So I guess surrounding yourself with that and never getting away is the worst!

Cisco Adler of Shwayze: Wear all black.

Matt Wilson of Set Your Goals: Energy drinks. Or drugs.

Jake Turner of Say Anything: Drink tons of beer or alcohol. Probably seems like the best way to make the concert more fun, but on a hot summer day, it will only make it worse by the end of the day!

What’s the best place/way to get lucky?

Shwayze: Tour bus, but if you don’t have one, you gotta get creative. Porta Potty.

Tim Millar of Protest the Hero: There isn’t really a good place to get lucky, just be prepared to compromise your privacy and have an awkward, rushed, unsatisfying adventure that will most likely be interrupted.

Jake Turner of Say Anything: Lucky as in sexy time? Probably in the shade.

What’s the worst thing someone’s ever thrown at you?

Cisco Adler of Shwayze: A beer bottle. I jumped off stage and punched him and my finger exploded.

Alida Marroni of 1997: Once, someone hit me with a kiwi.

Johnny Rioux of Street Dogs: Large panties.

What’s the most annoying fan type?

Josh James of Evergreen Terrace: The ones that don’t buy our merch.

Matt Wilson of Set Your Goals: The type who feel the need to prove themselves.

Tim Millar of Protest the Hero: Anyone that has ideas as to what I should do with my beard, or want to touch it.

Jake Schultz of Norma Jean: There aren’t any. There are annoying people that want to be around you because you’re in a band. We call those people “wagon wheels.”

Danny Stevens of The Audition: People who don’t know when enough is enough. When I go out into the crowd, I try meeting as many people as possible, but there’s always one person who just wants to talk your ear off.

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