There's yucky, and then there's yucky
Nate Lipka
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Late, great Michigan State football coach Duffy Daugherty once said, “A tie is like kissing your sister.” Kansas City Royals Hall of Famer George Brett further expounded on the sentiment when he declared that, “If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out.” Interestingly enough, Brett was actually one of many kissing targets for Morganna Roberts, who earned the moniker “The Kissing Bandit” and national notoriety by repeatedly rushing onto the field to kiss major league baseball players in the 1970s and ’80s.
That’s an awful lot of kissing going on in the sports world, but no one ever proclaimed that, “Kissing lesbians shouldn’t be allowed at ballgames,” at least not that I’m aware of. Good luck explaining that to Sirbrina Guerrero and her date, who claim that last week an usher at a Seattle Mariners game asked them to cut the canoodling because it was raising complaints from others in the crowd.
Safeco Field officials claim that the usher wasn’t discriminating based on the couple’s sexual orientation, but instead enforcing the stadium’s code of conduct, which expressly prohibits public displays of affection that are “not appropriate in a public, family setting.” Reportedly, another fan complained that the couple was “making out” and “groping” one another. Guerrero denies the claim, saying her and her date were sharing garlic fries between brief pecks.
The point where a firestorm from gay rights supporters was sparked was when, according to Guerrero, the usher told them that he had received a complaint from a woman in the crowd who said that there were kids in the crowd and that parents would have to explain to them why two women were kissing.
As a young child, I personally would have been disgusted by the act. Then again, I specifically remember thinking all acts of affection were “yucky” and an especially dangerous risk of cooties – gay, straight or otherwise.
And, to be honest, I’d probably be even more disgusted nowadays if “lesbian dates” was substituted with “old married couple.” I think we can all agree that no one needs to see that – but imagine the AARP backlash if an usher stopped geriatric PDA.
And just when is the right time for these kids to learn about gays and lesbians? Is there a “Bernstein Bears Teach You How Gays Are Wrong” book headed for the presses?
But most of all, shame on these parents for subjecting their innocent children to Seattle Mariners baseball. Now that’s yucky.
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