College Times

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There’s nothing more troubling than being the sober person in a bar full of drunken people. Mostly because you get to see the uh-oh-the-bar-is-closing-soon-and-I-need-to-find-someone-to-hook-up-with ritual that goes something like this:

1 a.m.: Lots of people start leaving, but in couples; guys propping up girls, girls leading guys to the exit. Okay, that’s fair. People get drunk and hook it up. The sure bets were already on their way home, but the stragglers, the ones who haven’t found who they’re going home with yet were left, and they spring into action. The men are on the hunt and the women are either avoiding eye contact or getting ready to be caught.

1:15 a.m.: The girls are usually in packs, which was good; any drunk girl that’s left alone gets pounced on by at least two men and she has to fight them off.

1:20 a.m.: Guys start to follow the packs of girls around and try hitting on them.

1:21 a.m.: When this doesn’t work, the guys start buying girls drinks, presumably in the hopes of getting them drunk enough that they won’t remember who they’re talking to.

1:45 a.m.: Last call! Some guys will give up at this point and just leave. But some will hold out hope, perhaps buy a special lady one last drink. This might work.

2:00 a.m.: If it doesn’t, these hold-outs will crowd around the exit, waiting for the girls to come out, which I have personally seen and find incredibly creepy. I thought for sure this tactic would backfire. I mean that’s pretty desperate. But for some, it totally worked. The guys would just walk up to a girl, lean in, say something really special I’m sure and they were in! I was shocked at how many people ended up leaving in cabs together.

But, like I said, being sober around lots of drunken people is troubling – for so many reasons, but mostly I wonder how many of these people even remember leaving and if they’ll regret waking up in some stranger’s bed, falling victim to a ritual that, as long as bars are around, will probably never end.

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