College Times

Media Credit: Jon Barren Farmer

Hailing from the bargain bin of comedy talent, directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer unleash “Disaster Movie” in theaters today. It’s quite literally shit on celluloid. That said, there are still going to be a few of you moviegoers this weekend who are thinking, how bad can it be?

STOP! Do not give in to your curiosity or love of poop jokes. Here’s why…

The Creators have Peaked
After “Epic Movie,” which spoofed big fantasy films like “Narnia,” there was really nowhere else to go for Friedberg and Seltzer – the result was “Meet the Spartans,” which ended up being nothing more than a refresher course on last year’s films. “Disaster Movie” has very little to do with actual disaster flicks like “Twister” or “Armageddon” and is merely a rehash of 2007-2008’s pop culture moments. “Juno” and “Sex and the City” are not disaster movies.

Alternate Comedy Choices
While this point is debatable, August has been a great month for comedies. Rather than blow your hard-earned money on crap, check out “Pineapple Express” or “Tropic Thunder.” Guaranteed you’ll laugh more.

Alternate DVD Choices
If you want a real parody, check out “Airplane!,” anything by Mel Brooks or “The Naked Gun” series. I know they’re “old,” but if that’s your major issue with flicks before 1997, then you’re already too far gone for me to give a damn.

Alternate ‘Movie’ Choices
When faced with a kick to the nuts or a stubbed toe, you have to choose the lesser of two evils. So, if you have to see one of these films, go rent “Superhero Movie.” It’s probably the “best” of these films. I use that term lightly.

Other Events This Weekend
Check out the Calendar section in College Times – There are so many entertaining things to do this Labor Day weekend. If you aren’t from Phoenix, do a Google search for “Events in (your town).” The possibilities are endless.

Rent is Due
I would never presume to tell you how to spend your money, but I’m just saying …

Seeing this Movie is like Voting for Bad Comedies
Because the past “Movie” movies were successful, studios saw no reason to stop making them. So really, this is all your fault. It’s okay, you can make up for it by giving your money away to this enterprise. Show the studios that they can’t vomit a new one every year without repercussions.

There’s Only One Good Scene in the Movie…
And it involves Alvin and the Chipmunks singing death metal before going rabid. (YouTube it.)

And the Rest of the Movie is Awful
After seeing the movie, I can tell you that the creators wrote their jokes based off the trailers of better, funnier movies. The funniest parts are actually jokes they stole from funnier, better films. If you want to pay $8 to see someone do what you and a group of friends could do over beers, that’s your prerogative.

There’s always Batman, again
It gets better every time, and if you hurry, you’ve only got another 16 weeks before “The Dark Knight” leaves theaters for good.

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