College Times

Issue date: 9/4/08 Section: Sex

I like to masturbate to porn, specifically Jenna Jameson porn. My girlfriend hates it and bitches about it all the time. She thinks Jenna Jameson is disgusting, which makes me feel disgusting for masturbating to her pictures.

She’s even developed this resentment toward blondes, because Jenna is blonde and she is brunette. I know nothing is wrong with me, but I don’t get what’s wrong with her. I love my girlfriend, but she’s acting crazy and it just keeps getting worse. I don’t know what the hell to do.  

– Not Giving Up Porn

Women, like your girlfriend, wage war on porn for a number of reasons, none of which seem logical to you, much less me, but the fact of the matter is some women feel threatened by buxom babes whose bodies bend in infinite and seemingly impossible ways. If your girlfriend’s a brunette and, compared to Jenna, is about as flexible as a board, you can bet she’s going to feel a bit insecure when she catches you staring deep into what she considers the competition’s eyes while piling on the lube. She’s going to wonder what it is that Jenna has that she doesn’t. And who can blame her? Jenna is hot. Odds are the reason your girlfriend wants Jenna off your hard drive and out of your head is because she agrees. In fact, I bet if your girlfriend had a penis she’d be playing with it too while looking at Ms. Jameson’s jugs, but your girlfriend’s got a vagina and because she’s got one of those she’s got the jealousy gene.

Perhaps the best way to solve your sticky situation is to ditch the lube and laptop, throw a blonde wig on your girlfriend and see how she likes being called Jenna in bed. Just kidding.

In all seriousness, sit your girlfriend down, far from wherever it is you store your collection of porn, and tell her she has absolutely nothing to worry about it. Remind her how special and beautiful she is. Also, let her know that masturbating is 100 percent healthy and you enjoy it. A statement like that may turn a calm conversation into a heated debate, but she’ll be thanking you later for demanding the right to masturbate when she doesn’t feel like having sex for say, oh, a month, and instead of you giving her a guilt trip or starting a fight you simply say, “No worries, I’m going to go masturbate.” And yeah, a month. Buckle up big boy, if you’re in for the long haul, you better be ready for the ride.

Want advice from CT sex writer Jessie Whitfield? Write her at jwhitfield@ecollegetimes.com

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