College Times

Issue date: 2/19/09 Section: Top 10s

Media Credit: Deana Newcomb

Almost every morning when I come in to work here at College Times, I find a present on my desk I never asked for or wanted, usually placed there by photographer Ryan Ruiz. Among the lovely prizes I've found on my desk include a Nancy Drew video game (WTF!?), a plastic lizard on top of my computer monitor, two walkie talkies and a wheel belonging to a once-functional, now-hazardous chair.

My desk is what we in the biz call "the bitch desk." A word to my coworkers: I'm not the intern anymore!

Continuing the shenanigans, the other morning Ryan decided to place "Twilight" stickers all over my computer monitor.

Now, I've never really discussed my loathing for "Twilight" with my coworkers, but my bitterness is about to be aired publicly. Here are the top 10 reasons "Twilight" really sucks (and not in the way it intends to).

10. Despite her obvious efforts, Valley author Stephanie Meyer is simply an awful writer. I feel horrible saying it, but at this point it has been made clear to the entire world. Sadly, I think her overly simple and cliché writing is what makes the book so appealing. Cracking open a thesaurus doesn't make you a novelist.

9. These are the worst vampires in history. Rarely do main vampire Edward Cullen and his friends eat at all, despite being "vegetarian" vampires, feeding off animals instead of humans. And where did they gain this conscience? Why do they care if people die? They're vampires!

8. I want to hit Bella. Not only is the character of Bella lacking any sort of emotional depth, but she allows herself to fall into the arms of an effing vampire. Any sane person would be weary of the situation. Not only that, but she proceeds to continue a bizarre codependent relationship with him. This "I love you … but stay away from me … but come here anyway," BS that Edward pulls is just unhealthy. On that note …

7. I want to hit Edward. Mostly because he refuses to end Bella's life by finally feasting on the blood he's wanted for so long and thereby ending my misery. Go on! She's delicious.

6. Edward is sooooooooooooooooo hot! OMG! Edward is sooooo freakin' dreamy. You know how I know? Because Meyer makes hundreds of references to his beauty in the book. All the while, he lives up to being like most hot guys - completely vacant of personality. None of his creepy behavior (watching Bella as she sleeps, following her around so he can save her) would be tolerated if he weren't 100 percent supa-fine. Which leads to point number 5 …

Continued...

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