Top 10 Objects to Fall in Love With
Lauren KawamIssue date: 3/12/09 Section: Top 10s
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WTF?
She even changed her last name to match the Tower's name: Erika La Tour Eiffel.
The article explained that Erika is one of a handful of people around the world with something called "objectum sexuals." It's a disorder where people fall in love with inanimate objects.
Profiled in a documentary entitled "The Woman Who Married the Eiffel Tower," Erika is seen hugging her "husband" and professing love for him. Or maybe "it" would be a better word to describe A TOWER!!! NOT A PERSON!!!
Oh wait. It gets worse. The Tower isn't Erika's first love. Allegedly, before she married the Tower, she was in love with Lance. Lance was an archery bow, and during that relationship, she became a world champion in archery, according to the article.
Yeah. I couldn't make this up.
Here's a list of 10 other things Erika could fall in love with, should her relationship with the Tower fail.
10. Her personal massager: Because that's sooo much less realistic than a building.
9. Her cell phone: She could talk to it whenever she wants, and she wouldn't waste any of her minutes.
8. A spoon: If she polished it enough with silver cleaner, she could see her reflection, and what's better than being reflected in the light of your love?
7. A DVD player: Providing endless hours of entertainment, without annoying analysis or commentary about movies, like that of a human being.
6. A fortune cookie: If would give inspirational messages and also numbers she could play in the lottery. Couldn't ask for better.
5. A long-stemmed wine glass: She could pour herself a glass and relax with her lover.
4. A bottle of Heinz Ketchup: Nothing spells love like a red tomato-based condiment.
3. A photo of a generic beach scene: She could carry it with her everywhere and imagine lounging in the sun with it.
2. A box of Cheez-Its: Doesn't matter the flavor of the cracker, just as long as both of you can sit around and talk shit about Cheese Nips.
1. The groom from a wedding cake topper: If she won't have the real thing, at least this is a facsimile of a man.
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