College Times

Issue date: 4/30/09 Section: Blogs

Media Credit: Photos.com

A lot of times when we're in relationships, we feel like we need to know everything about our partners, like who they've been with and what they've done. Other times we get in denial and like to think that we are the best, hottest, most fun person that they've ever been with. But the truth is that your partner has lived his or her life and had a ton of experiences just like you, and while you like to think that you're the first anything, you need to accept the past.

We all ponder those common questions when we fall for someone, but before asking, you need to make sure that you really want to know the answer.

I think it's important to know a bit about your partner's history for safety reasons. You need to know if he/she has been tested and what the results were. How many people they've been with, we'll that's up to you. For me, that information is important because I like the good boys, not the players. My friend's boyfriend told her that he had slept with over 100 girls, and she didn't have a problem with it in the beginning, but as they became more serious that fact made her totally insecure and worried about his commitment to her.

In some cases, it gets so bad that you find yourself obsessed with your partner's past or exes, but that has to do with insecurities you might have with yourself or that you're getting from the relationship.

If you don't want to know, my advice is don't get drunk and play "I Never." In a fun setting like that, you might be thinking, "It's okay, I don't care what he/she says. I can deal with it" - until your partner admits to once being in a threesome with two of your hottest acquaintances and next thing you know you feel insecure every time you're around him or her. And that goes both ways, you might say something in the moment that he'll remember for much longer than you'd like.

I guess I subscribe to the "don't ask, don't tell" idea. But if I do ask, be honest. If I don't ask, don't tell me about how great your ex was in any way shape or form.

Honesty is very important, but showing off has no place in a growing relationship. You don't need to confess that your ex was great in the sack - or even that he or she gave good massages for that matter. Just focus on your partner and enjoy the new memories that you two make with each other.

If the insecurities don't subside and you can't accept the past, don't force it, just move on.

Page 1 of 1

Article Tools