College Times

Issue date: 6/4/09 Section: Blogs

Media Credit: Photos.com

My roommate used to have a recurring dream. When she first told me about it years ago, I thought it was preposterous.

Kittens, all adorable and cuddly in their dream world, would unlock her bedroom door in the middle of the night with their kitty claws, collaboratively twist the door knob (as they do not have thumbs) and trot into her room to claw at her dream neck. She was deathly afraid of cats and kittens until she made friend's with her neighbor's cat just a few years ago.

She doesn't seem to be the only person with this fear. There's even a name for this phobia - Ailurophobia - which just seems ridiculous to me, as someone who loves the fluffy idiots.

But once my roommate's fear of cats dwindled and her incessant need to mother something kicked in, she decided that she wanted a pet. First suggestion: a tarantula. My reaction: F that!

Then she remembered there were kittens living in a rose bush behind her sister's house. There was one that was particularly adorable, with multicolored fur and a white face and tummy. When she brought the little kitty home in an empty cooler, it was timid and shy. That didn't last long.

Soon, Roamin' Gnome (the kitten) turned into a tremendous terror, wreaking havoc on anyone or anything in the way of her darting from one side of the apartment to the other. She has ruined a couch and a perfectly decent set of blinds. She acts like the poop in her litter box is a toy left there by the cat gods for her to play with as she sees fit. She's awful.

We love her anyway. We take her crap like she's a hot boyfriend with a really horrendous personality. When people ask why we don't give her away, we just say, "Because she's so pretty!" Pathetic.

Roamin' Gnome doesn't let us cuddle her. She meows for hours on end if she can see the bottom of her food bowl. She makes bird noises and her eyes fill with crazy if you look at her wrong. She bites and scratches, but we're too nice to declaw her. She munches on the ends of my hair when I'm sleeping and has stolen and horded some pretty pricey makeup items I've left on my desk. I still haven't found them.

I'm still not sure why we take her shit. If there is a god, I'm sure he's looking down on us shaking his head. Aren't we supposed to be the superior species? Why am I cleaning up cat pee? Let's get it straight. My roommate and I don't own a cat. Our cat owns us.

But she's so pretty!

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