Communication is Key
Jillian JamruszkaIssue date: 10/29/09 Section: Sex
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People make the mistake of not saying how they feel and often let people out of their lives without them ever knowing the truth. I know it's morbid, but it's important to think, 'If I was gone tomorrow, would the people I have relationships with really know how I feel about them?' Life is too short to keep your feelings in whether they be good or bad. Think of your past relationships: is there anything that you wish you would have said to your ex? Perhaps how much you really loved them, or how much they really hurt you?
Telling people the truth takes a lot of courage. My boyfriend held in something that he was mad at me about for almost a year! I was going on, oblivious that anything was wrong, and little did I know that he was keeping something in that bothered him every day.
It's such a waste of energy.
Finally, when he confronted me we worked it out and both of us were able to move on with our relationship being stronger because of it. Even little things are important to talk about, like if it really bothers you when he/she flirts with others, or doesn't do the dishes.
Choosing your battles is vital, but your feelings don't have to turn into battles. Relationships take work from both parties and each of you needs to make an effort to be understanding of each other even if you don't exactly see an issue as they do.
If every time you share your feelings with your partner it becomes a fight, it can cause you to hold things in to avoid argument, but that's toxic to relationships.
First, look at how you bring up issues; is it from a place of anger or is it genuinely to make things better? Confronting someone when you're angry can cause them to become defensive, thus blocking all productive communication. But if it's that your partner isn't open to your feelings, then he or she is probably not the right person for you.
A lot of people complain that a major issue in their relationship is that they don't know how their partner feels about them. Even if you think your boyfriend/girlfriend already knows how much you love them, that's not enough: you need to tell and/or show them every day.
My ex never told me that I was pretty because he said "You already know that." Five strangers a day could tell me that, but it means nothing: all that really mattered to me is what he thought and he didn't understand that.
If you don't give your partner the love and attention he or she deserves, then they will go out and find it from somewhere else, and you don't want that to happen to you just because you were too shy to speak up.
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